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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867037">i used to light you up</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/driv_el/pseuds/driv_el'>driv_el</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Veronica Mars (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Recreational Drug Use, Will add tags as I update, also i'm sorry but leo is going to be ooc, for plot reasons, oh and dick is bisexual bite me</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:15:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,353</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24867037</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/driv_el/pseuds/driv_el</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The music changes to something quieter. Logan lets himself be pulled into the song. He can hear it. He can feel the things he music used to make him feel before he had spiraled into a permanent apathy. His eyes are closed and he thinks he might cry from happiness. And when he opens them, he sees her. </p><p>Veronica, he thinks. Veronica Mars. </p><p>--</p><p>Logan Echolls has spent the year surfing and partying and slowly spiraling into a deep depression and Veronica Mars is back from her first year of law school for the summer.  Takes place a few years after season three. Not canon compliant with the movie or season four.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Leo D'Amato/Veronica Mars, Logan Echolls/Veronica Mars</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Logan doesn’t want to admit he’s sick of partying. If he can’t even be fucked to go do shots of bottom shelf tequila and lose himself in a sweaty, dimly lit room with a bunch of beautiful strangers then he’s beyond help. He’s just so bored with everything. The only reason he drags himself out of bed in the morning is to go surfing before the beach is littered with tourists and even that’s getting old. He’s tired of hookups and hangovers. He doesn’t even like music anymore. Music used to be something that made him feel things and now it’s just a collection of sounds that barely registers. </p><p>He’s sitting in the corner of the room watching Dick flirt enthusiastically with a very uninterested woman. Logan had graduated the year before and Dick had dropped out to start taking acting gigs but they were still doing the same shit they’d done when they were roommates in college living at the Neptune Grand. Partying like the rules don't apply to them. Knowing that the rules had never applied to them, the children of Neptune’s rich and famous. </p><p>The girl Dick is harassing finally tells him to fuck off so Dick saunters over to Logan with a dopey grin. Logan has never been sure if Dick is truly so overconfident that rejection can’t drag him down or if he’s actually a brilliant actor. </p><p>Dick pulls out one of those daily pill boxes that old people use to make sure they don’t mix up their meds. </p><p>Logan snorts. “Alright, grandpa. Time to take your meds before Wheel of Fortune comes on?” </p><p>Dick and puts a pill on his tongue, lets it dissolve before replying. “You’re laughing now, but you won’t be laughing when you’re fucking flying in half an hour.” He offers the box to Logan.</p><p>“You know I don’t do this stuff,” Logan says. </p><p>Dick reaches over and slings an arm over his shoulder. “Look, dude,” he says. “You’ve been in a hell of a slump. A little ecstasy could do you some good, that’s all I’m saying.” </p><p>Logan can feel a headache coming on. He doesn’t know how he’s going to make it through the night without getting pissed and saying or doing something that’ll make his best friend feel like shit for trying to get to him to have a good time.</p><p>“Fuck it,” he says. “When in Neptune.” He grabs the box of pills and downs one. </p><p>Dick lets out a whoop. “That’s what I’m talking about, man! I’ll go grab us a couple more drinks.” Dick walks toward the bar and Logan swallows a few times to get the taste of the powdery residue off his tongue. </p><p>It takes five minutes of waiting for an opening at the bar for Dick to get distracted. Logan watches with amusement as his friend pulls a guy wearing salmon colored shorts, shutter sunglasses, and several strands of Mardi Gras beads onto the dance floor and starts grinding on him. </p><p>Sunglasses seems very into whatever Dick is whispering in his ear so Logan decides to get up and buy his own drink. He needs to loosen up a bit, to at least try and have a good time. Which might be easier to do if Dick hadn’t abandoned him but Logan figured if you can’t beat em, join em. </p><p>He orders a double rum and coke and heads towards the dance floor. He finds a place near Dick and his boy and bobs his head to the music. </p><p>Dick lets go of Sunglasses’ waist and leans over to Logan. “You feeling it yet?” he asks. “Because I am gone, man.” </p><p>Logan’s lip quirks up in a half smile. “Don’t think so. But I’m happy to see at least one of us is having a good time.” </p><p>Dick puts his hands on Logan’s shoulders, eyes shiny and intense. “Dude, are you okay? We can leave if you’re not having fun.” </p><p>Logan laughs and slaps Dick’s back affectionately. “Don’t worry about me, worry about him.” He waggles his eyebrows. Dick gives him the middle finger and spins away to latch back onto Sunglasses. </p><p>The music changes to something with a heavy bass line and the colorful lights on the walls seem like they’re suddenly softer, more fuzzed. Logan feels his cheeks heat up and as he looks around the room everything is bright and inviting. His gaze locks onto a girl dancing alone in the middle of the room. She’s got short brown hair and a tattoo snaking up her shoulder blade. </p><p>He makes his way across the dance floor and reaches out to touch the flowers glittering with sweat on her back. She turns towards him, abruptly but relaxes when she makes eye contact. </p><p>She takes his hands and places them onto her waist. Logan feels all control melt away as he gives into the colors and sounds and the way this girl feels pressed against him. They dance for a while and then head to a table in the back. Logan pulls her onto his lap and starts to kiss her neck. </p><p>“Hold on,” she says. “I’ll be right back.” She pulls herself off his lap and heads to the washroom. </p><p>Logan lets himself float. He wonders why he hasn’t taken Dick up on his offer to get high more often. He remembers something about dropping acid on a surfing trip and regretting it but right now he can’t imagine why he would ever regret taking a pill or tab Dick handed him. Dick was a fucking genius, a god among men.<br/>
The music changes to something quieter. Logan lets himself be pulled into the song. He can hear it. He can feel the things he music used to make him feel before he had spiraled into a permanent apathy. His eyes are closed and he thinks he might cry from happiness. And when he opens them, he sees her. </p><p>Veronica, he thinks. Veronica Mars. </p><p>Maybe he said the words out loud because as he thinks them, she looks in his direction. Their eyes lock on each other. </p><p>He’s walking toward her before he can process the fact that she’s here in Neptune, in this shitty club when she’s supposed to be in New York. And then he’s touching her face with his fingertips. He hardly knows what he’s doing as he leans in and kisses her. She gasps as their lips touch. He moves forward and presses her against the wall and her hands are in his hair and he can feel her hips against his and-</p><p>“Wait,” she says softly, pulls away. “Logan, I…” </p><p>And then he remembers exactly why he doesn’t let Dick talk him into doing fucking MDMA. Because Veronica’s boyfriend is standing behind him looking like he wants to kill someone. Fucking Leo. Of course she’s here with him. He’s seen them in pictures together on Facebook, he knew she wasn’t single. How could she be? </p><p>“Fuck,” Logan says. “Goddamn it, Vee, I’m…” He can’t stand the way she’s looking at him, like he’s pushing the knife in deeper with every word. </p><p>“Just go,” she says. “Please just go.” </p><p>So he leaves.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Logan wakes up when Dick bounces into his room and pulls his curtains wide open to let the sun stream in. </p><p>“Go away,” Logan mumbles. He buries his head underneath his pillow to block out the light.  His skin is covered in a thin layer of sweat and his mouth is dry. “I feel like shit, dude, can you please close the curtains?” </p><p>“Ah, the good old MDMA come down,” Dick says, sagely. “You’re probably going to feel like shit for the next couple of days.”<br/>
Logan pulls the pillow off his head to glare at Dick. “Close the damn curtains.” </p><p>“No can do,” Dick says. “You have a visitor. A deceptively tiny, blonde visitor who looks like she might murder you with her bare hands.” </p><p>Logan groans. He is not in an appropriate mental state to try and deal with the ramifications of getting high and throwing himself at a girl he hasn’t seen in four years. Not just a girl, but the girl. </p><p>Their last breakup had been catastrophic. She was the only person who knew how to make him feel like he’d had the shit kicked out of him without laying a finger on him. She would say one cutting sentence and it would rattle around in his brain for days, weeks, years. He heard her voice the last time they’d seen each other before she transferred schools and left for New York at the most ridiculous times. </p><p>He’d be playing video games and suddenly she’d be there saying, “You act like you’re the only person who’s ever had something bad happen to them.” He’d sit on the sand after catching some incredible waves and he’d hear her whisper, “you’re not the Logan I fell in love with and you’ll never be that guy again.” He’d be on top of some girl he barely knew and then Veronica would be in his head saying, “But I still need you. I hate myself for it but I need you.” </p><p>Logan already felt like garbage. He didn’t need whatever she felt like she needed to say to him today to be added to the list. </p><p>“Can you tell her to leave?” he asked Dick. </p><p>Dick laughs. “You know she’s not going to leave until she gets whatever she wants.” </p><p>Logan drags himself out of bed and pulls some clean clothes out of his dresser. He tries not to look at himself in the mirror because he doesn’t really want to know how awful he looks. </p><p>When he walks out of his bedroom, she’s sitting on the couch, staring at the ground. </p><p>“Hey,” he offers. </p><p>Logan used to swear he could look into her eyes and know exactly how she was feeling, despite all her best efforts to be inaccessible. Looking into her blue-green eyes now there is none of the anger and disdain he expects to see. Veronica looks shattered. She’s picking at her fingernails and then twisting her hands together in her lap. But she doesn’t break eye contact.  </p><p>“Why?” she finally asks. “Why would you kiss me like that?” </p><p>“As opposed to kissing you with too much tongue? Did you want me to use my teeth more?” Logan regrets the joke before he says it but can’t stop it from tumbling out.<br/>
“As opposed to, I don’t know, coming up to me and saying, ‘Hey, Veronica! Long time no see. How have the past four years been? How’s New York? How’s your boyfriend?” </p><p>Veronica stands up and folds her arms across her chest and takes a step toward him. “I have spent a lot of time goddamn time getting over you and I don’t-” </p><p>Logan finds himself leaning towards her and looking at her lips as she speaks. And then he notices a dark purple mark just under her collar bone. It looks like a deep bruise. Could be from anything but Logan reaches out and puts his fingers over it. </p><p>“Veronica, what happened?” he asks softly.  </p><p>She looks into his eyes and he thinks he sees something he recognizes in her expression. A battle between wanting him to drop it and wanting him to push her until she tells him the truth. But she shoves his hand away and takes a step back. </p><p>“Fuck you, Logan,” she says. “You don’t reach out to me for years and think you can lock eyes with me across a crowded room and what? Sweep me off my feet? Pretend you care about a tiny bruise on my chest and whether you can punch the shit out of someone because of it and pretend you’re defending me?” </p><p>He feels like she’s a magnet with a positive polarity and he’s the negative being pulled into her with an unstoppable force. He can’t stop looking at her damn lips. He can’t stop thinking about how soft they are and how small her hands feel in his. </p><p>And he wants to say, “I did it because I had to, because I swore if I had another chance to feel your skin against mine, I would take it, consequences be damned.” He wants to tell her that he’s still in love with her and he’ll probably always be in love with her no matter how much time passes and how many other girls find their way into his heart. He wants to tell her he fucking misses her. </p><p>“I took something for the first time in ages. I was rolling when I saw you and honestly didn’t have any control over myself,” he said instead. </p><p>He watches her eyes cloud over and then he can’t get a read on her anymore. </p><p>She presses her lips together and he knows somehow that if he hadn’t lost her last night, he has now. “I guess it’s true that some people can’t change,” Veronica says. </p><p>Logan winces and knows his brain is filing the words away to add to his collection of scathing Veronica Mars phrases. </p><p>Veronica rolls her eyes at his expression. “You’re a grown man, self-loathing isn’t a good look on you anymore.” </p><p>“Fuck you, Veronica,” Logan says. He steps closer to her and leans in like he’s about to kiss her and then pauses. “You kissed me back,” he whispers, his breath warm on her cheek. “But go ahead. Have fun faking your orgasms with Officer Leo.” </p><p>“Special Agent Leo, actually.” Veronica looks up at him and holds eye contact.. “And he’s great at sex.” Her eyes flick down to his crotch and he feels his cheeks heat up. “Have fun jerking it, Logan,” she says. The door closes behind her as she leaves and he swears he can hear her mocking laughter from the other side.</p><p>And god, he hates that she’s always right about this shit. He wishes he wasn’t such a goddamn boy when it comes to Veronica Mars. </p><p>He locks the door to his room and thinks about her stupid self-satisfied smirk as he gets himself off.</p>
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